MIT Fling Failure
February 19th, 2004
Thank you for choosing fling.mit.edu as your casual sex provider! Our
sophisticated market analysts came back… drunk, and three days late.
Nonetheless, we are proud - and somewhat surprised - that popular
opinion
seems to consider us to be the *less* sketchy Valentine’s Day
alternative!
We suffered through the jealousy of the runner-up services (our poster
boy
came back black and blue, claiming to have been injured in the line of
duty). We selflessly spent several hours *not* having sex while we
wrote,
tuned, and carefully verified our advanced computer-programmy stuff to
help
YOU get nookie! We even threw all caution and sanity to the cold, dark
wind and altruistically offered ourselves up to satisfy YOUR needs!
Matches were symmetrical; if you see someone on your list, you also
appear
on their list. Similarly, if someone does NOT appear on your list, you
do
not appear on their list - if they contact you and claim to have gotten
your name from fling, they’re lying.
Each potential fling is listed with an email address, name, and score.
The
score indicates relative compatibility between you and your potential
fling, with higher numbers indicating a greater probability of nookie
ensuing. Because people have been trained from a young age that all
dimensionless numbers should be percentages, scores have been scaled so
that 100 is the maximum. All positive scores indicate a plausible
match;
matches with negative scores were not included. Keep in mind that
while
all email addresses have undergone minimal verification and
confirmation,
we cannot guarantee that you will receive a response.
————————————————————–
Unfortunately, we were unable to match you! It’s possible that you
were too
picky about the sort of person you were willing to accept; people
were
completely ruled out based on failing to meet the required gender,
age,
affiliation, and relationship status criteria. If you said that you
were in
a relationship and looking to cheat, that you required someone who
was not in
any other relationships, or that you were not human, this is likely
to be the
source of your difficulty; these choices unfortunately made you an
unpopular
match.
In any case, we would like to thank you for your participation in the
Black Morbid Fling Together, and wish you better luck next year.
————————————————————–
Since our market analysts are still hung over, we need YOU to send us
your
stories - lucky successes or miserable, soul-crushing failures - so
that we
may better service you next year. We appreciate the feedback you have
already given us, and will consider it carefully. Please visit our
website
next week for tasty statistical tidbits, as well as our customer
satisfaction
survey!
This casual sex was brought to you by the numbers 6 and 9, the letter
N, a
Krispy-Kreme induced sugar high, and the generous support of SIPB.
Thank
you for your participation! We wish you a lucky Black Morbid Day and
hope
you’ll stop back again next year.
-The Black Morbid Fling Faeries